dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
