i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
