Whod you bang
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
