3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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