My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
