Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
