Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
