can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
