I can't watch pbs sober anymore
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
