I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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