so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
