I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
