mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
