he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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