We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
