Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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