a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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