what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
