Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
