i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
