Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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