I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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