I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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