would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
