Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
