whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
