I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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