So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize
