i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
