Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
