she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
