just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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