Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
