Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
