His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
