i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
