In America we eat man semen.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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