WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
