Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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