Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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