No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
