At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
