so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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