i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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