I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
