tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
