The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
