First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
