I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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