ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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