That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
