I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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