Who wears a wallet chain?!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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