I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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