I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
