every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
